“A compassionate road map and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships...” —Jay Shetty, New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk and host of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast
From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.
Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior.
Drawing on more than two decades of studying the landscape of narcissism and working with survivors, Dr. Ramani explores how narcissists hijack our well-being and offers a healing path forward. Unpacking the oft-misunderstood personality, she reveals the telltale behavioral patterns that indicate you may be dealing with a narcissist. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep you stuck in the cycle, grieve the loss of these painful relationships, create and maintain realistic boundaries, discern unhelpful behaviors from narcissistic behaviors, and recover your sense of self after constant invalidation.
Thriving after, or even during, a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but It’s Not You shows you it is possible. Dr. Ramani invites you to stop blaming yourself and trying to change the narcissistic person, and to start giving yourself permission to let go of their hold on you and finally embrace your true self.
La Dre Ramani Durvasula est psychologue clinicienne agréée à Los Angeles, en Californie, professeure émérite de psychologie à l’Université d’État de Californie, à Los Angeles, et fondatrice et PDG de LUNA Education, Training & Consulting, une entreprise axée sur l’éducation des individus, des cliniciens et des entreprises/institutions sur l’impact des styles de personnalité narcissique. Ses recherches universitaires portaient sur l’impact de la personnalité et des troubles de la personnalité sur la santé et le comportement.
Elle est l’auteure de plusieurs livres, dont Should I Stay or Should I Go : Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist et Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility et son dernier livre, It’s Not You : Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People , sortiront en février 2024 (Penguin Life). La Dre Durvasula est membre du corps professoral de l’APA Leadership Institute for Women in Psychology et rédactrice-conseil pour la revue Behavioral Medicine. Elle a beaucoup parlé de l’impact du narcissisme sur la santé mentale, les relations et le milieu de travail. Elle exploite également une chaîne YouTube et un balado populaires (Navigating Narcissism). La Dre Durvasula travaille également avec PESI à l’élaboration d’un programme de formation et de certification pour les cliniciens travaillant avec des clients qui vivent les retombées de relations narcissiques.
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